Shut up and just carve the pumpkin: tips for the uncreative soul

The+mangled+attempts+to+carve+a+pumpkin+here+are+shown.+Thousand+of+pumpkins+are+wasted+simply+because+people+suck+at+carving+them.

Getty_Images/iStockphoto (through Boston Magazine)

The mangled attempts to carve a pumpkin here are shown. Thousand of pumpkins are wasted simply because people suck at carving them.

Carving pumpkins is an age old tradition in America. Ever since Halloween became commercialized as a holiday, us Americans have enjoyed cutting into the symbolic gourd for a while now, adorning it with scary faces and all sorts of decorations, because we apparently have nothing else to do with our lives. Of course, many of us are painfully dull, and haven’t a clue what to carve into that gourd. In case you turn to the internet for help, here are some ideas to try and turn on that ever-so-dim light bulb.

 

Go with a character from a well known movie or book:

If you’ve got a favorite character, whether it be in a movie, book, or TV show, you’ll know them pretty well. Try etching them onto your pumpkin. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be your favorite character. If you think that putting a Fifty Shades of Grey character onto your pumpkin is too complicated, you can try carving the scene where Tony Stark dies in Endgame onto your pumpkin. (Too soon?)

 

Painting your pumpkin is also an option:

Though it isn’t a traditional option, this is just as much fun as gutting your gourd! Whether it be something as simple as a black spider or you decide to recreate Van Gogh’s Starry Night, the pumpkin is your canvas, and you are the painter. (Notice I didn’t say master?) Of course, art has become extremely subjective these days, so if you’re really lazy and want to make some “abstract” art, just paint a red dot onto your pumpkin. You’ll enjoy seeming smarter than your friends, as they try to decipher the obvious meaning behind that little dot.

 

And if all else fails, just end up going for a plain face:

If worse comes to worst, and you’ve finally accepted the fact that you aren’t very creative, then just do a standard jack-o’-lantern face. Triangle eyes, square eyes, circle eyes, the possibilities seem endless! (Until you realize you really only can do those three shapes.)  This may seem like a stereotypical move, but in the very least, you’ll have a pumpkin to decorate your front porch with, and can sit back contentedly knowing that you did a better job than your neighbors did.

 

Some tips to remember:

  1. Always trace. I cannot put this any more seriously. You are not a good enough artist to stick a knife in and start carving without a plan. 
  2. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Depending on how far you live from your road, people are going to have a hard time telling what your pumpkin is anyway, so your feelings won’t be hurt when they ask, “What is that anyway?”
  3. Don’t let your hand slip. Nobody wants a trip to the emergency room. Pretty sure insurance won’t cover that either…
  4. Have fun. I mean, who doesn’t pretend like they’re a surgeon pulling out all of the guts when they’re killing their pumpkin? And remember, even if your pumpkin does look like literal crap, at least you get to roast those pumpkin seeds.