Three ways to get through Christmas

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Three ways to get through Christmas

Katlyn Sherinian, staff writer

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The holidays are a time to just chill and relax in the absence of school. If your plans of becoming a couch potato are disturbed by family get togethers, then these three tips should get you through the long holidays.

 

  1. Lock yourself in the bathroom to get away from the stress of extended family.  

 

Just lock yourself in the bathroom, to avoid overly talkative relatives.   There are so many relatives that you only meet during Christmas. Aunts and uncles that you have never seen before give you a big hug and the unavoidable kiss.  The extremely extended family that talk about how they remember bathing you when you were a baby. The awkward meetings and uncomfortable conversations aren’t a problem when you’re in the bathroom. The bathroom can be a quiet safe haven, a happy place where you can forget all of your crazy family.

 

  1. Avoid the “Do you have a boy / girlfriend” by pretending to be deaf.  

 

To avoid answering the same question 100 times, you can pretend to go deaf.  This simple solution can go terribly wrong if you do not prepare the proper backstory.  The trick is to make it so outrageous and detailed that they couldn’t question you. Say you were babysitting and the baby wailed so loud that you went deaf. Another tragic backstory is that you got super hearing from an old wise man, but you didn’t use the power responsibly. Therefore the old man got mad and took away all of your  hearing. You may have to turn on the water works to really sell the story. But whatever you say, you won’t have to answer the awkward questions that come your way.

 

  1. Mail Santa to cancel Christmas.

 

Giving gifts can be stressful  so just write a very convincing letter to Santa to cancel Christmas. More likely than not, Santa won’t cancel Christmas for just one person so you will have to take matters into your own hands. Step one: paint yourself green. Next get a dog named Max, so you don’t slip into insanity, obviously. This is the most important step to truly execute this master heist. You have to despise Christmas loving goofy goobers. This hatred will manifest and you will have the urge to cancel Christmas for all the Christmas loving nincompoops. The Grinch should be your hero, the original grinch not the dum-dum whose heart grew to the right size. And Boom! You’ve stolen Christmas. Pretty simple isn’t it?