Dating advice (from a girl who has never dated)


Although I may have never dated before, I still have some good advice up my sleeves. I have gained this advice from observing relationships, having honest conversations with my parents, and reading relationship books. These are tried and true statements that hopefully make you reflect on your current relationships or your future ones. I have compiled a list of the ones that I think ring the most true in life. 


Stay true to yourself– No matter what, don’t change yourself for someone else. Don’t lie about yourself but keep things honest in the relationship. Development is always okay in a relationship, but never change your beliefs or values for anyone in life. 


Set clear boundaries– Either at the beginning of the relationship or before it, you need to sit down and talk about what you want from it. If you want to take things slow, say so. If you want to just hold hands and watch movies all day, say that too. Whatever happens though, make sure that you are always being treated with respect and that the other person is respecting the boundaries that you have set. 


Speak up for yourself– If you are not okay with anything, you need to speak up for yourself. If things are going too fast or something is too awkward, you need to be able to speak up for yourself in order to have a healthy relationship. 


The dude deserves flowers (or chocolate) too– Let’s be honest, everyone loves to feel loved and I don’t know anyone who would turn down some good chocolate. In life you need to remember that commitments go both ways. Your partner sometimes wants to be shown that they are loved too, and it doesn’t have to be flowers, but just do something for them that you know that they will love and appreciate. 


Go into a relationship with an open mind and leave your expectations at the door– If you walk into a relationship thinking you are going to be dating the ‘perfect’ person, then you are going to be sorely let down. No one can live up to unrealistic expectations, so you shouldn’t go into a relationship setting them up for failure. Instead go into the partnership with an open mind so that they can pleasantly surprise you or let you know that they aren’t the one for you. 


Learn to love yourself first– If you are dating someone just so you feel loved, that isn’t healthy. You should always learn to love yourself first so that you aren’t depending on someone else to bring you happiness. That has to come from something inside of you so that if for some reason the relationship doesn’t work out, you can still have love in your life. 


Don’t date someone to validate your own identity– If you are dating someone to give yourself meaning, then that isn’t okay. Before you walk into a relationship you should know who you are or at least have a glimpse of who you are. Don’t tie your identity to someone else. Learn who you are and what your potential can be first. 


Show up on time for dates– During the beginning of the relationship you should always be on time for important things like dates. Show up on time and show them that you care enough about them to be there with them and for them. If you do this, it will hopefully set a good tone for the rest of the relationship. 


Talk when you need to talk but listen all other times– Although sometimes it is fun talking, make sure that the other person gets to talk and feel heard. Some of the best times in life are when you have a good conversation with someone and you feel completely heard by them. Because of that good feeling, you should learn how to do it for other people, especially the ones you care about. 


Don’t try to be perfect (or you’re both going to be let down in the end)– This relates to staying true to yourself, but to the extreme. Don’t try to be perfect. If you mess up, you need to own up to it and tell the other person. If you don’t, then it could hinder your relationship later along the line. Then there are going to be levels of mistrust in the relationship as they could wonder what else you are keeping from them. 


I hope that you consider these things for your current dating life or before you start your next relationship. Even though I have never dated, I know what I want from a good relationship. I want to be able to date someone that I know will stay true to themselves and will never stop being completely honest with me. I know I don’t have experience in this field yet, but I hope that no matter what, I will stay true to myself and that I will know if I need to call it quits with a person. Until that time, I am just content waiting for the right someone to come along.