Finals survival guide


Grace O'Neil, Staff writer

The holidays are such a wonderful time. You can de-stress knowing that school is almost out for winter break, cuddle up in nice warm blankets and get some well deserved sleep . . . PSYCH! IT’S FINALS WEEK. Forget about the break for now, because you have a semester’s worth of anxiety about to rush back. However, everyone remain calm. I am here to help. I have here a list of things that will help prepare for this finals week. This very classified list was found in the most sacred teacher meeting place, the teachers’ lounge. It is designed to help teachers, so it should help students too. So let’s get started. 


Obviously, right? We have to stay awake during our test after three all nighters. It makes perfect sense.

Find Red Pens

Ahh yes, the grading tools used to destroy our very soul. These pens create a battlefield in which our dignity and all thoughts of intelligence die. Unless it doesn’t, then you’re one of the lucky ones. Just remember to have a writing utensil and be prepared.


Ummmmmm. (Whispers: Why do they need blankets?) Obviously this means to be well rested. So stop staying up all night to study and get some sleep. (I think?)

Make Cookies

Ahh yes, make sure to eat before your test. If you don’t, your mind will be stuck in your stomach instead of thinking about the test answers.

Make Answer key

Why would we need an answer key!? I-uh-I mean you should study your study guide so you can make your own answer key in your mind. We do not promote cheating here people!


I . . . I have no idea.

Go shopping



So, it turns out this is just Mrs Tonsoni’s to-do list. Best of luck on your finals.