Life is focused on success. In school, everyone wants you to set yourself up for success. Parents, friends, and influential adults are all trying to give you advice on earning and doing more, but I’d like to propose that the idea of success needs reframing.

Success for me has always been painted as some elusive reality where you finally contend to be society’s aristocrat, are financially secure far beyond what you need and want, and are surrounded by a bunch of high-roller friends who all think the same and earn the same as you do. The weirdest part of this picture is that this only seems attainable after working many grueling years deprived of any joy, with the only exhortation being a far-off goal or reality that is not even certain. Sound familiar? 

I would like to propose that the success that we chase is not a reality or set of circumstances, but a feeling. That scenario that I described to you earlier describes the framing of success around an imaginative circumstance. When you frame success around an imaginative circumstance, the result is constant dissatisfaction due to constant comparison between where you are and where you believe you should be. The largest problem lies in perceiving success as a circumstance, and not acknowledging that it is really a feeling you are searching for. Very commonly, it’s not the excessive amount of money that you are looking for, but the feeling accompanying this particular goal (freedom or security). In turn, you, like me, could find yourself seeking and working towards a circumstance that may or may not give you the feeling you’re looking for instead of chasing after the feeling itself. For example, I have chased after a business major for the majority of my life, as I always thought that in order for me to be “successful”, I had to make a ton of money so I would be set for all of my life, and could finally be in the upper class. I didn’t want business because I would enjoy it, or feel successful every day, but I thought it would eventually get me to that feeling. Recently though, I discovered that my passion lies in serving other people, as it is an activity that has never gotten old, always making me come alive. Even if I was completely broke and exhausted coming home every day, if this is what I would be doing, I would feel far more successful than I would’ve spending the classic 9-5 at the office making really good money.

So, I would encourage you to look for what would actually give you that feeling; for me it is serving others, for you it could be making a difference, amassing wealth, or just chasing after fun. Circumstances are amazing, and they can certainly take a large role in your personal gauge of how “successful” you are, but they are ultimately not the driving force that will consistently link you back to feeling successful. Find the real passion that you have, pursue it, and you will reap the rewards of engaging with what makes you come alive. Ultimately, you’ve only got one life to live, and you only get to live every moment out once, so to me, life is too short to live a life that’s not full of daily success.