The dreaded week is drawing nearer: finals week. Just the word installs stress in the minds of our students. Luckily, our Parnassus crew has come up with the perfect remedy.

1. Forget about sleeping. Who needs it really when you can stay up all night and worry about all of your upcoming tests the next day? Oh, and don’t forget about that presentation third hour! Looks like we could just pull an all-nighter thinking about studying.
2. Procrastinate. Cramming all that information into your brain last minute is all you need to get through the week. Who said you can’t learn scientific notation in one night? The real question is: Did I need that for my geometry class or chem?
3. Set your books on fire. You won’t need them after you fail anyway.
4. Don’t even think about eating. Psshh balanced breakfast. Is that even a thing? Donuts all the wayyyyyyy.
5. Write answers all over body. Print small, make sure it’s legible, and try not to smear it before it dries. Then, you’re all set! You possibly probably maybe will or will not be caught, but it’s worth a shot, right?
6. Don’t even study. I mean, you can probably recall the quadratic formula without looking at it again. Oh, and we both know you’ll remember what the atomic number of Potassium is when test time comes. So why bother?
7. Sleep through the test. You can’t fail it if you never actually started . . . plus you’ll catch up on the beauty sleep you lost whilst thinking about studying.
8. Eat some ghost peppers. Your mouth will be on fire and if you’re lucky the nurse will send you home with a “fever” like in Lizzie McGuire. If not, you’ll eventually end up with a stomach ache and need to go home anyhow. Win, win?

  My best advice for preparing for finals is to not stress about it. You know you’re chances of failing already. The next step is acceptance.