Elf: The worst Christmas movie ever

Elyse Perry, staff writer

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Every year as Christmas comes, I am always so excited for everything that comes with it. The lights, the songs, the decorations, they’re always so beautiful and bright. Every year, Christmas is amazing, until the TV gets berated by the most overrated 97 minutes in movie history, Elf

Elf is a movie about a human named Buddy who grew up as an elf. His mother died shortly after childbirth and his father never knew he existed. This is a Christmas movie, not a story by Tim Burton. At the orphanage, the baby crawls into Santa’s bag and goes back to the North Pole with him. So, like any logical person, Santa lets the elves keep him! Did they even think about how many people would be looking for him?

Anyway, he grows up thinking he is an elf. He’s literally a guy who is taller than six feet and he thought he was an elf for his whole life. One day, he is eavesdropping on a conversation between two elves and he overhears that the reason he is so horrible at being an elf is because, wait for it, he isn’t one! Who would have guessed that! So, the elves make the completely logical decisions to let him travel by himself to New York City to find his dad without any information on how the world works. Basically, they send him to one of the most populated, crime-ridden cities in the United States and the only information they give him is that his dad is on the naughty list. 

Once he makes it to New York City, it becomes evident that he was lucky he had learned his true heritage around Christmas; otherwise, the plot would never have been able to progress. He would have been in a hospital a lot sooner than when he took that DNA test. Seriously, are there not normal social interactions in the North Pole? Who would find it reasonable to sing a song telling a total stranger that you love them?

I know this movie thinks it’s being funny, but it is really more distasteful. I know Buddy grew up in the North Pole, but I still think he would know not to go into the women’s locker room (and just think, the girl in there at the time marries him). Also, he grew up working. I really think Buddy would understand that in a place of work, you are supposed to work. Another problem is that it’s a movie aimed at children, but they still make all kinds of rude jokes. Literally, the movie includes very obvious drinking and addiction. It also makes fun of dwarfism multiple times. Another annoying part is that it is a live-action movie, but they animate his arms throwing snowballs so that he looks like a fan blade. The movie would have been less obnoxious if it just had him be really good at making and throwing snowballs instead of having a bionic arm. 

There are so many good Christmas movies, but every once in a while, one like Elf is released. They manage to make their way to the top and claim status as “holiday classics.” After that, they haunt us for the rest of our lives as they become overplayed on ABC Family. If you would like to enjoy a classic this holiday season, watch Miracle on 34th Street or
It’s a Wonderful Life, but stay away from Elf. You’ll be happy you did.